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  • The surest way to remain poor is to be honest.
  • Life’s a bitch. Be its pimp.
  • Save a tree, eat a beaver.
  • What is arrogance? Thinking you can compete with me!
  • I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
  • Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
  • There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
   
  • Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
  • When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?
  • The easiest way to avoid a hangover is to just stay drunk.
  • SEat healthy, exercise more, still die.
  • Time is what keeps things from happening all at once
  • If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws
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