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- The surest way to remain poor is to be honest.
- Life’s a bitch. Be its pimp.
- Save a tree, eat a beaver.
- What is arrogance? Thinking you can compete with me!
- I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
- Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
- There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
- Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
- When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?
- The easiest way to avoid a hangover is to just stay drunk.
- SEat healthy, exercise more, still die.
- Time is what keeps things from happening all at once
- If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws
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